Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
