I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
