i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
