I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
