I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
