He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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