I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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