Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
