I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
