Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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