and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My ass is underappreciated
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
