He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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