I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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