ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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