Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
