Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
