The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
