I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
