I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
