Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
