Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
