mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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