dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
