and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
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