Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
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