my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
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