No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
