They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Dicks are not precious.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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