This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
