Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Can I color on your dick again?
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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