My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
