Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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