There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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