Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
