Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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