just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I deserve this hangover.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
