shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
