It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
