Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
