about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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