I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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