The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
