It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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