Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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