She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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