moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
