he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
