I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
