He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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