I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
