I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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