I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
