She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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