I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
